Recent dramedy
First, an explanation. The extended absence is due in large part to two things:
1) Lack of running due to calf issue, which results in no news/updates on the training.
2) Horrible attitude and total descent into self-pity due to recent events.
I won't say too much about the calf, because there really are no updates since the last post. I still try to run and by the time I hit 3 miles, it is giving me trouble. I'm hoping the rest I chose to take during the recent Thanksgiving holiday was enough for it to relax and for any residual swelling to go down. Unfortunately, it looks like I'll be bypassing the January marathon. With the setback, I won't run the race I want, and that just won't do. Financially, I'm not willing to make an investment to fly out there and get a hotel to run a crappy race; or worse yet, not be able to finish it. While I struggle to grudgingly accept that reality, I will spend the coming cold months getting stronger and hopefully figuring out my diet. With my focus shifting from running, I'm thinking of taking this time to get my spin certification. It's something I've thought about doing off and on for the last 5 years, and now is as good a time as any right? Never know when it might come in handy. So as we hit the holiday season, my two goals are figuring out the right caloric intake for me, and checking into spinning certification sessions.
As for part 2/self-pity...I let my circumstances get the best of me. Once I let one thing get me down, I let the next thing get me down and before I knew it, I was trapped in a pattern of "What next?!" It started with drama at work. I have a hard time leaving it at the office and it was like a pall over my entire day. It built and built. It didn't help that I injured my calf. I'm aware that any time the seasons change I get a little funky--changing clocks always goofs me up, whether we get more daylight or lose daylight. Being aware of that didn't help me though. Despite my training routine, I was gaining weight--not all muscle, if the snug fit of my jeans is any indication. I became acutely aware of all the couples that seem to be surrounding me. I lost sight of goals I set for me and let myself become a victim. I finally hit my low point last Saturday. On my way to my friend's baby shower, I got a flat tire. I was exactly halfway in the middle of nowhere. Thankfully I have AAA and after 45 minutes of trying to explain where I was and them trying to find someone in that area to help me, we figured it out and I settled in for the wait. I was feeling very sorry for myself. There I was, stuck in the middle of nowhere, with a flat tire. And I had to pee. Tears were shed. And let me tell you...it takes a lot for that to happen. A cop stopped by to see if I was okay, then drove away. An hour later, an older man in a silver BMW stopped to see if someone was on their way to help me, then went on his way. At last, an hour and a half later, a dark SUV pulled up behind me. Watching in my rearview mirror, I assumed it was another motorist checking on me. He was wearing a dark knit hat, dark Oakleys, a leather jacket...and leather chaps. I rolled my window down and to my surprise, he said "Hi, I'm here to change your tire?" He slightly resembled the last boy I kissed and that didn't help the situation. I was feeling sorrier for myself by the minute. Long story short, tire finally got changed and I was on my way. Back home. Driving excess miles on the donut tire not a good idea. More tears fell as I slowly motored my way back from whence I came. What a horribly rotten day. Even if the sun was shining.
Pretty sure I had cried myself out, I then proceeded to flood my bathroom. Despite what I'm sure is excellent engineering, a simple flush of the toilet quickly turned into me standing shocked and horrified in ankle deep water. Expletives were uttered--nay yelled--at the gushing water. Lunging forward to turn off the water valve, I decided that there was no redeeming this day. There were more tears, but the feeling-sorry-for-myself tears were replaced with angry tears. And this was the moment I stopped feeling sorry for myself. After six weeks of wallowing in my self pity, I snapped out of it. It took gushing ice cold toilet water after a day-full of tears, but I'm over it. Crap happens and you have to deal with it. I fixed my toilet and stopped crying. Sometimes you deal with setbacks. You don't have to like them but you have to decide how you're going to handle them. Sure, life would be nice if it was all rainbows and butterflies...but let's face it--my stories wouldn't be as funny and I wouldn't appreciate things as much.
1) Lack of running due to calf issue, which results in no news/updates on the training.
2) Horrible attitude and total descent into self-pity due to recent events.
I won't say too much about the calf, because there really are no updates since the last post. I still try to run and by the time I hit 3 miles, it is giving me trouble. I'm hoping the rest I chose to take during the recent Thanksgiving holiday was enough for it to relax and for any residual swelling to go down. Unfortunately, it looks like I'll be bypassing the January marathon. With the setback, I won't run the race I want, and that just won't do. Financially, I'm not willing to make an investment to fly out there and get a hotel to run a crappy race; or worse yet, not be able to finish it. While I struggle to grudgingly accept that reality, I will spend the coming cold months getting stronger and hopefully figuring out my diet. With my focus shifting from running, I'm thinking of taking this time to get my spin certification. It's something I've thought about doing off and on for the last 5 years, and now is as good a time as any right? Never know when it might come in handy. So as we hit the holiday season, my two goals are figuring out the right caloric intake for me, and checking into spinning certification sessions.
As for part 2/self-pity...I let my circumstances get the best of me. Once I let one thing get me down, I let the next thing get me down and before I knew it, I was trapped in a pattern of "What next?!" It started with drama at work. I have a hard time leaving it at the office and it was like a pall over my entire day. It built and built. It didn't help that I injured my calf. I'm aware that any time the seasons change I get a little funky--changing clocks always goofs me up, whether we get more daylight or lose daylight. Being aware of that didn't help me though. Despite my training routine, I was gaining weight--not all muscle, if the snug fit of my jeans is any indication. I became acutely aware of all the couples that seem to be surrounding me. I lost sight of goals I set for me and let myself become a victim. I finally hit my low point last Saturday. On my way to my friend's baby shower, I got a flat tire. I was exactly halfway in the middle of nowhere. Thankfully I have AAA and after 45 minutes of trying to explain where I was and them trying to find someone in that area to help me, we figured it out and I settled in for the wait. I was feeling very sorry for myself. There I was, stuck in the middle of nowhere, with a flat tire. And I had to pee. Tears were shed. And let me tell you...it takes a lot for that to happen. A cop stopped by to see if I was okay, then drove away. An hour later, an older man in a silver BMW stopped to see if someone was on their way to help me, then went on his way. At last, an hour and a half later, a dark SUV pulled up behind me. Watching in my rearview mirror, I assumed it was another motorist checking on me. He was wearing a dark knit hat, dark Oakleys, a leather jacket...and leather chaps. I rolled my window down and to my surprise, he said "Hi, I'm here to change your tire?" He slightly resembled the last boy I kissed and that didn't help the situation. I was feeling sorrier for myself by the minute. Long story short, tire finally got changed and I was on my way. Back home. Driving excess miles on the donut tire not a good idea. More tears fell as I slowly motored my way back from whence I came. What a horribly rotten day. Even if the sun was shining.
Pretty sure I had cried myself out, I then proceeded to flood my bathroom. Despite what I'm sure is excellent engineering, a simple flush of the toilet quickly turned into me standing shocked and horrified in ankle deep water. Expletives were uttered--nay yelled--at the gushing water. Lunging forward to turn off the water valve, I decided that there was no redeeming this day. There were more tears, but the feeling-sorry-for-myself tears were replaced with angry tears. And this was the moment I stopped feeling sorry for myself. After six weeks of wallowing in my self pity, I snapped out of it. It took gushing ice cold toilet water after a day-full of tears, but I'm over it. Crap happens and you have to deal with it. I fixed my toilet and stopped crying. Sometimes you deal with setbacks. You don't have to like them but you have to decide how you're going to handle them. Sure, life would be nice if it was all rainbows and butterflies...but let's face it--my stories wouldn't be as funny and I wouldn't appreciate things as much.
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