29. The Final Countdown to 30.

Though there are those that would criticize, I spent my 29th birthday in a way wholly acceptable and enjoyable to myself. I stayed at home. I finished a book. I watched Donald Miller deliver a sermon on the internal and external voices we listen to or should ignore. I enjoyed a homemade Italian feast at home with my family (it pays to have Italian blood) and capped the evening with a trip to the movies. As the hours of the day waned, I felt an immense feeling of satisfaction, contentment, and gratitude. Despite my circumstances, I was able to set aside the worries of job hunting to enjoy my family, the meal (which included cupcakes by request) and a family night at the movies (Star Trek, if you must know). Laughing at the dinner table, even as I mildly panicked that this is my last year as a 20-something, was like water to my soul. Sitting in the dark theater and hearing my family's reactions to the film added to a feeling of wholeness I've not experienced in long while.

It was an oasis in this desert.

The entire reason I began this blog was to document the accomplishments on my "30 Things To Do Before I'm 30" list. While I am not certain, I'm pretty sure I did nothing in the past year to work toward that goal. (30 Things FAIL.) I dare myself to assume that it is because I was getting comfortable. The list was created in a desperate place, where I felt as if I had no options. Since last June, I was given more creative projects (hello, writing, I've missed you!), I got a raise (wow--I almost feel like a true grown-up!), and I was staring down four weeks of paid vacation (how on earth will I use it all?!) Of course, then the bottom fell out. My position was eliminated and thus the creative resume-building projects disappeared, my salary was suddenly gone, and I've been on an unpaid, rather stressful "vacation" ever since. I manage to put on a good face and everyone says I'm handling all of this "so well." But I tell you, there are dark days. Very dark days. Days when I can't get out of bed. Days when the dwindling funds of my bank account hardly cover car payments and school loans. Days where I realize the only thing I've consumed is coffee. Days where I have a potentially great and equally crazy idea, only to talk myself out of it. So yeah. I handle this whole business "so well" probably...87.3% of the time. So that comfort-zone thing I was experiencing about this time last year is totally gone. But ever-striving to find the silver lining, that means the push to hit those 30 things in the next 364 days is back on. Up next: warm weather activities. Like...skydiving and kayak by moonlight. 

Whether it's the beginning of the end or the ending before a new beginning, the sunset of my 20s has arrived. Day 2 of my 29th year is, thus far, a contemplative place. I'm still relishing the afterglow, enjoying this contented feeling as long as I can. Birthdays are good like that. Should you so choose, you can embrace a new beginning in your own personal new year. The older I get, the more I have come to appreciate experiences. The bad ones help me recognize the good ones, and I can save the good ones to remember on dark days. The day spent with family, enjoying a home cooked meal (full of gluten and dairy) and laughter served to remind me how lucky I am; jobless or not. I still have my health. My faith. My unquenchable dreams. My car still runs, even if it's rusting and making scary noises. I have an education which cannot be taken away from me. I have friends, though far away, that are steadfast and loyal. And funny. I am lucky and blessed to have funny friends. I still refuse to settle for mediocrity. This battle has not taken the fight from me yet. If life was easy, what would I write about? If none of our heroes had to go through a struggle, would we still look up to them? I think we like the stories of triumph. It's woven into our humanity. We like stories. We like happily ever after. 

Which reminds me...also on the list is "publish a book."

364 days.

Crap.