Spiders: A Brief History

As one might assume, in more temperate climates, more coldblooded creatures reside. If you can harken back to your own 4th grade science class, you may remember that invertebrates of the arachnid posse fall into this coldblooded group. Hence warm weather lends itself to a higher occurrence of sightings of these specific creepy crawlies.

I couldn't tell you how, or pinpoint a specific incident that led to my fear of spiders. I remember big, black carpenter ants marching across our fiery orange shag carpet as a young child, but where did the spider shivers come in? For most of my life, a fear of spiders has ranked right up there with the fear of being forced to choose between Han Solo and Indiana Jones. Absolutely terrifying. Needless to say, the childhood favorite Charlotte's Web lacked any appeal to me. (Why was the animated version it always the movie of choice for half days at school? WHY?!)

I understand, from an academic perspective, how spiders are good buddies. And I agree. My argument is that spiders are excellent friends so long as they stay out of my home. If I see you creeping in my space, it will not end well for you. Typical course of action following sighting was to scream for someone to come and help me. Because this thing the size of a pinhead could be potentially dangerous. And so I made it through most of my life relying on the good graces of people with less fear of the loathsome things until I moved to Arizona. Suddenly it's me vs. the eight-legged world. To my surprise, thus far, spiders found inside my space have been smaller than the spiders back home. Maybe it's a new place, maybe it's a new year, or maybe I've finally come to terms with my role as spider-killer, but thus far, spider confrontations have not been a problem. 

Now before you go thinking I'm a heartless person, let me share a story of a time I saved a spider. I was walking back from getting my mail when I felt something string across my body. I had walked right into a web. In my imagination, I had always assumed if this ever happened to me, I would turn into a ninja or suddenly become an Olympic sprinter. However, I very calmly raked the mail across my body, finding the little spider still hanging on. I brushed the web string on the closest pillar and the spider continued on like nothing ever happened. I then walked away as quickly as I could. You know. In case it decided to follow me, or was one to bear a grudge. My hope was that it would tell its spider friends: "That there's a good woman. You leave her be and stay out of her space."

But it was not to be. 

I don't know how other humans react when they see a spider in the shower, but it's kind of an unsettling feeling for me. I mean, some creepy eight-legged, Peeping Tom staring you down with his eight eyes? It's very voyeuristic. And instead of a swift death, I grab whatever I can from my array of soaps and conditioners and smother it. Had he not chosen to accost me in the shower, he would not have met such an ignominious end.

And speaking of places where it's bad to encounter a spider, this week I was driving when one came rappelling down from somewhere above (really hoping it wasn't the hat I was wearing) and then proceeded to land and CRAWL ACROSS MY SUNGLASSES. Where do you go when you're buckled into a 3000lbs+ vehicle and responsible for maintaining safe distance between vehicles? It was either throw my aviators out the window, or act fast. There was some general screeching as I frantically raced to reach the napkins I really hoped were still in my center console. That entire experience may have been more unnerving than the shower situation. I won, but I was quite rattled. (And still trying to figure out if he zip-lined in from the sunroof or my hat...)

At least these guys aren't frequenting my living space. Just my vacations.

Nope.